Three things you need to know when you have a conflict with someone:
- Don’t focus on feelings of hurt, hate, or revenge; instead, focus on your lesson. What do you need to learn from the conflict?
- Don’t expect the other person to change; change yourself. When you change yourself, you teach people how to treat you.
- Don’t waste your energy on being a victim; just love yourself enough to help yourself.
The people who come into our lives to challenge us are our mentors. They came to us to teach us some kind of lesson, and we must pay attention. However, we tend to put so much emphasis on the argument and the feelings of getting hurt that we often miss seeing the opportunity to learn.
Once I had a conflicted relationship with a co-teacher about not getting to class on time. She then extended the conflict by making negative comments about my hair color, and eventually she criticized my teaching style, a style that had made me popular with the students.
In the past, when I had submitted to her power and agreed to teach in the old-fashioned way, we got along. But as soon as I showed my creative side and won the students’ and other teachers’ admiration, the tension between us grew. Only when I realized that this conflict was not about us, but about the traditional style of teaching vs. the creative approach, did I start seeing a new direction for myself.
We must put our feelings aside and focus on the conflicting points of view, so we can see our own essence and learn the lesson.